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Tag: rape

Maria Goretti and the Easy Way Out

Being raped instead of murdered is not the “easy way.” Being a dead virgin is not more worthy than being a living rape survivor.

The Day I Started Being Brave About Everything

Every Friday, my friend and I take turns watching each other’s children so the other can go to adoration. It was one year ago today that I was at her house. I had just finished my hour of adoration and it was her turn to go. I noticed I had a message from an old…
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The Anniversary Effect and Rape Trauma

Two years ago today (four a.m., Sunday, Dec. 11, 2016) I was raped by one of my best friends. To recap: Between October 2016 and May 2017, I got (in rough chronological order) surprise-served divorce papers after four years of volatile marriage, embroiled in a bitter custody battle, was stalked to NY by my schizophrenic…
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Lessons from the Broken

Brokenness comes up again and again with survivors of trauma. We all think we’re broken at some point, and then we move on, suppress it, accept it, or fix it. It’s only recently that I’ve actively started trying to repair my brokenness myself. And, just like the broken pots which are transformed by the art…
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Strength in Brokenness

The world breaks everyone and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.” — Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms Broken doesn’t mean beyond repair. I say this as someone broken by the world — and someone who is also stronger today than I once imagined I could be. My original intent for this post…
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Reclaiming Maria Goretti from Purity Culture

Maria Goretti is a controversial saint.   When I learned this recently, it honestly shocked me.  Since childhood, Maria has been close to my heart. I took her as my own and, upon confirmation, made it official.  When I was thirteen, a lovely, holy woman, who was a longtime family friend, gifted me with a…
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Let’s talk about shark attacks and the false rape myth

Do you know the odds of being attacked by a shark? They’re around 1 in 4 million — but you wouldn’t know that when the occasional shark attack does pop up. Suddenly, everywhere you look, the news is talking about shark attacks. This creates a cognitive bias that makes us think that shark attacks are…
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It’s time to acknowledge secondhand trauma

There are invisible victims of rape and other forms of sexual violence that get little care or notice: the families and friends of survivors. After my rape in 2009, my oldest brother was the first person I came forward to in my family. Then it was my parents, then my sister, and eventually my other…
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10 Things to Know About Consent

What exactly is consent? The word “consent” gets thrown around as if everyone understands it.  But the nuances of the concept of consent can get complicated.  Of course the basics are easy: you don’t do things to people that those people don’t want you to do.  There are lots of actions, such as a hug, or having…
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5 Tips for the Friend of a Survivor

Your friend has just told you that they have been sexually assaulted, abused, stalked or raped and you want to support them but you’re not sure what they need. Maybe it happened to them decades ago, in childhood, or maybe it was as recent as today. You want to help your friend in any way…
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